I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
