Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
