he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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