Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
