dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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