Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
