It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize