Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize