I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
