Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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