Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
