started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
