Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
