He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
