the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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