Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
