he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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