if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
