so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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