Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
