I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
