my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
