the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
