What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
