Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
