the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im six kinds of drunk right now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am naked and annoyed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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