did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
