Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
