all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
