That's when you crack a 10am beer
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
