the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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