I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
don't judge my taste in strippers
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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