This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Fuck appropriateness.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
