afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize