honey bunches of taint.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize