he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
