He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
