wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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