everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
