Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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