I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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