oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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