I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
