i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
