I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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