I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
