We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
