What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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