I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
