what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize