so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
