i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
