Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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