so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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