You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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