to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize