Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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