First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
