Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
