We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
