I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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