goodnight i made you a song goodbye
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
