hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
