mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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