Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
