do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
