K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
