I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
