Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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