At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
