i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
