I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
