please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
