we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
