I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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